Most Unorthodox Yet Addictive Candle Scents

• Blood Orange
  
• Mango Cilantro
  
• Cranberry Peppermint
  
• Ginger Lime
  
• Mandarin Cranberry
  
• Peppermint Cocoa

Top 10 Locations for Osama bin Laden

NOTE: 1-10 ranges from the least to the most likely!

1.) Mt. Rushmore - George Washington's left nostril

2.) New Orleans with former FEMA director Michael Brown sipping a mojito

3.) Exiled with his harem and two camels to Siberia

4.) The Yukon - frozen in a dick-shaped ice cube

5.) With George Bush at his Texas ranch watching back episodes of the Teletubbies with him

6.) Spanking Dick Cheny in a field in Nebraska

7.) Having "peace-talks" with North Korea while playing with his nuts under that robe

8.) Shopping in Macy's for a new turbin and matching mocasins

9.) Kentucky...with all the rest of the retards, skanks, and the tooth-less

10.) Sharing Creme' Brule' with Laura Bush in the White House hot tub

Russian Orbit Gum that We Don't Have

Now...It is my understanding that most of Russia is "poor." Perhaps this is because it is such a large country with not that much of a population that is scattered throughout the lands; I really don't know. I know there is a very large (however, closing) gap between the wealthy and that which is not. I also know that I live in America...the originator of the entire company of Wrigley, more in the general vicinity of the production plant, and a bigger spender than a Russian. Why are these flavors not available to us? Here is a short list of those which the damned nomadic Russians with their yaks are able to purchase and chew on their journeys that we are not:

• Сочный Арбуз (Juicy Watermelon)
  
• Морозная Вишня (Frosty Cherry)
  
• Фито (Herbal Mint)
  
• Мятный Бриз (Mint Breeze)
  
• Грейпфрут (Grapefruit)
  
• Эвкалипт (Eukalyptus)
  
• Фруктовый (Fruit)
  
• Яблоко (Apple)
  
• Клубника (Strawberry)
  
• Зеленая Мята (Green Mint)
  

Lucky Bastards.

Books - Some [Unrealized] Titles and the Assholes that Read Them

This post will be spent writing in a quite creative sense as I attempt to divulge some fairly interesting titles of books that do not, but should exist...just for my own amusement.

• Of Mice and Mothers of Would-Be Daughters and their Sons that do all the Housework - A Satirical Look into the Hidden World of Perverse and Backward Culture
  
• Life in Purgatory: With your host, Mr. Watson
  
• Eighty-Seven Ways to Skin a Cat and Nine Ways to Beat a Dead Horse: The Good Citizen's Guide to Everything
  
• My World after Childhood: Why Suicide Works
  
• If Only my Fat Were Gold...A How-To on Homemade Toothpaste
  
• I'm a God, and Everyone Seems to have a Problem with That - A Look into the Life of an Asshole
  
• When the Music Stops, Eat. - Surviving an Obese World (With pop-out instructional figures in back)
  
• Don't Buy This Book, You'll Get AIDS! and Why the Clap is more fun than the HIV
  
• Oatmeal 101...Fiber for your Shitter
  
• Digital Photography for the Mentally Retarded Vol. VII - Potatoes and their friends, Tater Tots - A Paradox Worth Chewing On
  
• When IT Turns Brown - 18 Oven Settings for the Perfect Christmas Turkey
  
• Suck Me Off, Evildoers! - A Guide to the Opposition of George Bush
  
• Books are of SATAN! Now Buy this One or Risk the Wrath of Jahova. - And other True Reiligious Stories for the Soul
  
• Aftersex Hair and Bottled Water - Why It's Important to Buckle-Up Next Million Miles
  
• Lucky Charms and Enchiladas: A Trilogy - (1) The official discourse on why Zak Shellenberger should stop making this fucking list and get a L.I.F.E.! (2) Schizophrenia is for Pussies (3) I am Zak Shellenberger, You Prick: And Other Analyzations of Why Zak is an Asshole

Most Random Phrases

• Fuck you, you fucking fuck. (T-Shirt from Chinatown and also icon)
  
• I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself. (Nickname of someone on MySpace)
  
• Your mom goes it college. (Napoleon Dynamite)
  
• You looked better on MySpace. (T-Shirt in Hot Topic)
  
• Jackie, you talk to much you could sell a snowball to an Eskimo. (Mrs. Thatcher)
  
• Get your dick out of the fishtank..............time for SUPPER! (Dave Attell)
  
• ...that's like a whore wearing a rosary. (Guy on Comedy Central)