If I were God - THE list of 7 Bastardous/Joyful Things

1. Add an 8th day to the week...right between Saturday and Sunday called "KMABIAHday" = Kiss My Ass, Boss, I'm At Home day.
   
2. Abolish the flavor of "pistachio" from all ice creams in the northern hemisphere.
   
3. Move the Verizon skyscraper from New York City to south-western Zambia...workers still inside.
   
4. Replace all bottled water with my own concoction of half and half, salt water, and hot chocolate...just to piss off the health-freaks
   
5. Emancipate lonely carbohydrates from the Prison of Diet and Annorexia Palace
   
6. Be the ice cream man
   
7. Command the Turks to invade Canada and force the Frenchies to speak Turkish...man, would they be PISSED!!!