Why We aren't Brushing our Teeth at Night

• You're a rebellious son
  
• Because beer and Aquafresh Ultra-Whitening just don't agree with you and your gastro-intestinal tract
  
• The Boogie Man hides in the medicine cabinet from 9:37-11:28, and it's too scary past 11pm anyway
  
• Controlling girlfriend said "No"
  
• You're a Calvinist and or mentally retarded Pilgrim
  
• You're from Kentucky...period
  
• You're from Alabama, Mississippi, or Tennessee
  
• You sort of like the flavor of asshole in the morning...it give you motivation to start the day off right
  
• You don't feel like working at the office tomorrow, so you decide to talk to everyone you meet as you enter the cubicle...they promptly leave
  
• It's your idea of a science experiment...but, hey, Mr. Watson was asking for it
  
• You have made a list of the stages of bad breath, and "Fire Breath" is your goal...all the way at the top...number 18
  
• You're a strict beliver in "everything happens for a reason", where natural bad breath is a must, and you already bent your rule this month by changing your underwear
  
• Your colostomy bag [somehow] was punctured and burst over your toothbrush and Dove soap
  
• David stole it after your kick-ass Tahitian-themed party to get the ham off his canines
  
• Trying to break the World Record for Most Fucked-Up Teeth, enabling you to travel 'out of county'
  
• Your dog prefers your rotten mouth scent to Crest
  
• Because God doesn't brush his teeth...the angels do it for him...and you have no angels
  
• Daughter just "HAD to have" the new Suzie Squiggle pen today in FAO Schwarz
  
• You have no money for toothpaste because the richest 1% of the population needed a tax cut...