Books - Some [Unrealized] Titles and the Assholes that Read Them

This post will be spent writing in a quite creative sense as I attempt to divulge some fairly interesting titles of books that do not, but should exist...just for my own amusement.

• Of Mice and Mothers of Would-Be Daughters and their Sons that do all the Housework - A Satirical Look into the Hidden World of Perverse and Backward Culture
  
• Life in Purgatory: With your host, Mr. Watson
  
• Eighty-Seven Ways to Skin a Cat and Nine Ways to Beat a Dead Horse: The Good Citizen's Guide to Everything
  
• My World after Childhood: Why Suicide Works
  
• If Only my Fat Were Gold...A How-To on Homemade Toothpaste
  
• I'm a God, and Everyone Seems to have a Problem with That - A Look into the Life of an Asshole
  
• When the Music Stops, Eat. - Surviving an Obese World (With pop-out instructional figures in back)
  
• Don't Buy This Book, You'll Get AIDS! and Why the Clap is more fun than the HIV
  
• Oatmeal 101...Fiber for your Shitter
  
• Digital Photography for the Mentally Retarded Vol. VII - Potatoes and their friends, Tater Tots - A Paradox Worth Chewing On
  
• When IT Turns Brown - 18 Oven Settings for the Perfect Christmas Turkey
  
• Suck Me Off, Evildoers! - A Guide to the Opposition of George Bush
  
• Books are of SATAN! Now Buy this One or Risk the Wrath of Jahova. - And other True Reiligious Stories for the Soul
  
• Aftersex Hair and Bottled Water - Why It's Important to Buckle-Up Next Million Miles
  
• Lucky Charms and Enchiladas: A Trilogy - (1) The official discourse on why Zak Shellenberger should stop making this fucking list and get a L.I.F.E.! (2) Schizophrenia is for Pussies (3) I am Zak Shellenberger, You Prick: And Other Analyzations of Why Zak is an Asshole